Dr. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and author based out of UCLA, outlines a simple approach to embracing emotions. I would like to expound upon this approach, which he dubbed, “Name it to Tame it.” Feeling and naming distressing emotions links our “upstairs” brain (higher cortical areas) to our affect-laden “downstairs” brain (limbic area and brainstem). When we name distressing emotions, our upper cortical left (i.e. logical and verbal) brain sends soothing neurotransmitters to our right downstairs brain (amygdala). This process is the at the heart of the self-soothing effects of this practice.
Practice
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Lay down on the floor and begin to take deep, diaphragmatic breaths with slow exhales. Having a slower exhale than your inhale engages your parasympathetic nervous system and signals to your body that it is time to rest and relax. Exhale slowly through pursed lips, as if you are gently blowing up a balloon.
Orient yourself to your body. When an emotion arises, the first step is to connect with the emotion. Sit with it and embrace it in your body. Bring your full awareness to the experience in your body. Feel it. Lean into it. Allow it. Do not jump into action or try to understand it logically. This not only helps you self-soothe but it sends a message to your subconscious that it is OK to feel this emotion. I could spend a month writing about the importance of this alone, but let’s move on.
Think of the emotion like a small child who is upset. They’re running around the house, wreaking havoc and tugging on your pants crying out for attention. Instead of berating them and sending them to your room (i.e. denying, repressing, or neglecting them), you squat down and give them your full attention. Suddenly, the emotion feels seen and heard. Children often want to be acknowledged more than they want their problem to be solved. The same is true for emotions, and why it’s so important to not rush into “dealing” with it first. Just feel it. Many people also benefit by gently rubbing or massaging themselves, in the same way a mother would comfort her child.
This is a form of self-nurturing and self-parenting. Herein lies the beauty of this practice. Maybe you didn’t grow up in a perfectly nurturing environment. Join the club, buddy! You get to take steps to develop what you never received today by becoming your own nurturing parent.
Ok back to the practice…. after sitting with the emotion and embracing it bodily, you can move into naming it. “I feel afraid. I feel upset. I feel angry” - whatever it may be. This process of naming engages the left hemisphere of the brain which can further soothe any emotions via verbally categorizing and reasoning. In a sense, naming the emotion takes some of the sting out of it due to uncertainty.
Take the full 10 minutes for yourself. This is your time. If you notice your mind wandering off, gently bring the awareness back to your body. You have the rest of your day to spend in your head. For this allotted time, just focus on what it feels like to be in your body. Strong emotions may, and often do, arise in this practice. It’s totally normal to sob like a little girl. Just stay with the direct felt experience, and you’ll be right as rain. Like any practice, take repeated steps to cultivate this skill throughout the day – not just when you’re upset or overwhelmed.
Recap:
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Stay with the practice until the timer runs out.
Lay on the floor in a safe area where others will not disturb you. Begin taking deep, diaphragmatic breaths with slow exhales through pursed lips.
Orient yourself to your body. Focus your attention on whatever emotions you are feeling in your body. Throughout this practice, continue to re-orient yourself back to the felt sense of your body.
Embrace and focus your attention on any emotions that may arise, just allowing them to be.
After you have felt the emotion, name it.
